Tag Archives: Goldfish are the devil

The goldfish will eat you in your sleep…


This kind of all started over snacks parents bring to preschool. Yes, exactly. Something trivial as snacks.

How did I end up with goldfish eating people? Let me explain.

On a popular pregnancy and mothering board, a thread was started about what types of snacks we brought to school for our children’s classmates. The mother prefaced that she was an organic, non-processed feeding mother. I replied thinking it was just one of those threads where moms answer just to give the original poster an idea of what her child might end up consuming a total of 8 times a month out of a zillion other meals. I was so wrong. I was the third reply and posted listing the approved snacks on our list and how I brought fruit snacks. I immediately was responded to it seems and midst the post I got “What are “fruit snacks” and “What type of “granola bars” do you feed?” Those might not be verbatim, but I am too lazy to go back to look.

Needless to say it kind of set me off and even thinking about it has me riled. Several people I know were alerted of the thread as we all met through this forum and replied in the manners they wished. We came to find the goldfish were some how evil, too, which shocked some other moms who definitely aim to feed non-processed as much as possible.

When did goldfish crackers become the devil? I also wanted to scream, “HEY BITCH- MY FRUIT SNACKS DO NOT CONTAIN PRESERVATIVES, ” or something equally insane, but the forum bleeps words out so I wouldn’t get much joy from saying bitch so I would have to use biotch and the word holds special meaning to some friends. I am dubbed the skinny biotch for the record.

It ended with the original posted apologizing for being condescending and the mother Teresa of the board apologizing while at the same time taking a shot at me. I used to like her, but I swear because I’m a dabble a little in each parenting aspect rather than subscribe to a full on AP (Attachment Parenting), NFL (Natural Family Living) lifestyle she has grown irritated with me.  What can I say? If I don’t set my standards ridiculously high then I can’t end up too disappointment when things go south just because my child ate a goldfish cracker.

Okay, back to the goldfish. I have come to the conclusion that the reason they think the goldfish is the devil is because it will eat them in their sleep. The cracker screams, “YOU DON’T WANT TO EAT MES?!? I WILL EAT YOU THEN!” However, as a cracker the goldfish can’t really scream so the whole thing is just moot and couldn’t really eat someone, but it’s amusing to think about it.